I am fat.
262 lbs and 5’9”. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It has been a source of great shame for me. I wear shirts at the swimming pool. I don’t like posting my picture online, because I hate the way I look and always have. Its the main reason why I am so shy in real life, but so vocal online. Being online frees me from having to be chained to my looks and my fatness. People take me more seriously when I am online. I have more respect. Thats why I seek out virtual spaces like dkos, because its a place where I know I wont be judged based on my looks, because nobody can actually see me.
I would be lying if I wasn’t hurt by some of the serious body and fat shaming that goes on around here. I know that it is not about me, but I can’t help but feel like when someone shames a bigger person for being fat, that they are shaming me as well, regardless of that bigger person’s politics are. Yes, I am speaking even about Donald Trump, or the big white racist displaying a confederate flag on the beach. Because at the end of the day its not about those fucking jerks, its about the anonymous user who may be struggling with weight issues, who may weigh as much or even more than the man or woman you just called a “beached whale”. I can’t speak for everyone who happens to be overweight, but in an honest recounting of my own feelings, it doesn’t feel particularly good. In fact, it feels horrible and embarrassing.
I just wanted to get that off my chest. I don’t know if some of you engaged in this behavior understand where bigger people like me are coming from, and I definitely don’t want to stop you from mocking people like Donald Trump or overweight white racists who display hate symbols in public spaces, I only ask that you consider the splash over effect to people you may not have intended to hurt. You may be hurting people who have been hurt all their lives over this very topic. I only ask that the commenters and diarist on dkos consider this when writing. It does not feel good to be shamed for your body, and people who have been overweight their entire lives have been shamed their entire lives for it.
Just my 2 cents, take it for what its worth. I am getting an MSW with a concentration in mental health and trying to be more connected to my feelings about stuff like this.
Edit: thank you all so much for the supportive and caring words. It really means a lot to me.
Edit 2: took a shaming word out of the diary. Thank you for the check. The history of the word "idiot" is absolutely awful, and I agree it should be retired. I am truly sorry about using it and won't be using it again.